When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
