the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bring me that man meat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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