the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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