Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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