I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize