my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
