You can't motorboat a personality
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
