he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it because I queefed?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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