Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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