I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
These tits shall not be calmed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
