My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
