Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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