If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
