I feel like I'm in dance class right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
MIDGETS
????
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
