I am in a vortex of obligation.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
