Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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