I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize