White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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