Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
