The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
