I am spending my child support on dildos
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
