i already hear my dad disowning me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
