after a month anything with tits is on the radar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize