I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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