your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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