I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
