We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
