Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize