btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
