Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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