Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
