So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
