we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
