my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
