My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it because I queefed?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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