You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
