The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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