Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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