Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just googled if crying burns calories
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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