Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize