just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
