Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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