i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
