but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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