Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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