So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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