My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
