It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
