Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
