My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
