Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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