and you said cock pushups were impossible
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
