Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
