we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
