I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
