You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
