It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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