Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
handjob tips. give me some.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
