I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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