I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
