did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
