I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
