They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
