can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
