i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
