At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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