how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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