at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
