when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize