i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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