covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
