Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
