I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
