he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
