I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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