come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize