never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
