We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
