I look better un-naked...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How does it feel to date your dad?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
