VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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