So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
