if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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