we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
