quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
