Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
