Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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