Who wears a wallet chain?!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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