the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
