Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
