I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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