Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
