i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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