I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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