Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
