sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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