You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize