how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
