I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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