im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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