he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
