normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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