I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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