It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
