So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
