Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
